President's Day

Remember when both Abe Lincoln and George Washington had their own holidays? But through the misfortune of being born in the same month, the emergence of Martin Luther King Day, and the economic convenience of the Monday Holiday bill, now we are simply left with "Presidents Day."

So instead of celebrating the lives and accomplishments of two of our greatest presidents (some may argue), we are now forced to honor every man, good or bad, who has held the post since Washington declined exuberantly and newly freed colonist's offer to make him King.

I'm sorry. I refuse to celebrate the "administration" of Warren G. Harding and his many scandals. The dishonesty of Lyndon Johnson. The ineptitude of Jimmy Carter. And don't even get me started on Nixon. And did Millard Fillmore do anything that anyone remembers?

But, as this is a democratic society, we can't seem to exclude anyone without some journalist or special interest group "representative" going ballistic or inviting Dick Cheney on a hunting trip.

So how can we do this? “Good President's Day?” Nah, that will send Congress into a filibustering tizzy. “Just The Guys on Mount Rushmore Day?” Nope, too long to fit on a school calendar.

How about ditching them all and simply calling it "Founder's Day." It would only for the good presidents. Nobody's feelings would get hurt. And that way we could include all the great men and women who made our founding possible: Betsy Ross, Abigail Adams, Paul Revere, John Henry, Ben Franklin, etc.

Or how about this? Pick a random Saturday in July and call it "Bad Presidents Day." Only you have to go to work. It will serve as our punishment for pretty much every second administration we were foolish enough to vote for. A kind of object lesson to make sure you know what the hell you're doing when you step into the voting booth.

And everyone who voted for Ralph Nader (myself included) has to work Saturday AND Sunday. Two weekends in a row if you voted for him twice.