Coulda, woulda, shoulda

Mostly I’ve given up on the larger regrets of my life. I’ve blogged about this before, how even though some of these, had I made different decisions would have led to different outcomes, I wouldn’t go back and change them if I could.

But it’s the smaller things that sometimes irk me.

For instance, if I could, I’d get in my time machine and:

1. Do a slight edit on my wedding vows. I’d already taken out “obey,” but I would have added a codicil that I would only agree to this marriage if my husband promises never to make me go to WalMart.
2. I’d rethink that whole Madonna-Flashdance wardrobe fling back in the mid-eighties.
3. I’d have dumped the WorldCom stock. (Anyone need kindling for a fire? Wallpaper for the bathroom?)
4. There are several presidential votes that I’d like back.
5. When our illustrator friend who died from cystic fibrosis asked if I would sit for his drawing class (since my husband had already done so and he wanted to have them draw a woman’s face next), I would have said yes instead of turning him down because I was too shy to have all those people staring at me. He died shortly afterward. OK, maybe this would move into that larger regret category.
6. I would never have agreed to a first date in the early eighties with the guy wearing the Miami Vice t-shirt and parachute pants – the one and only time I got stood up.
7. Nix the week I tried cornrows.
8. When I was in the library with my hand hovering over “Bridges of Madison County,” I would have let my fingers keep on walking.
9. Not seen “Silence of the Lambs.” (I still have nightmares)
10. The whole Betamax thing: bad idea.
11. Never tried to transport a television from New York to Boston by bus when you live a half-mile from the T stop and don’t have enough cash for cabs.
12. Fix things so never, ever in my life will I have been or ever be in a bus station on Christmas day.
13. Go back to 1973 and throw away all my peacock blue eye shadow.
14. Check out the status beforehand of the four people riding in the car owned by a co-worker who offered me a ride home before I spouted off about what a bad idea it is to have a relationship with someone you work with. (the four were two couples)
15. Remove the shoulderpads from every one of my outfits.
16. Barter my soul to have enough money to buy a season ticket for the Red Sox before the 86 season.
17. Decide it’s a bad idea to put together an entire platform bed by yourself.
18. Ditto to self-medicate after outpatient surgery with three rum and cokes and a joint.
19. Be better at keeping in touch with old friends. (ok, maybe this goes into the larger category, too)
20. Go back to my wedding day and dance and eat more and pose for pictures less and have a respectable hangover from partying the night before instead of thinking I had to get a lot of sleep and look good in the pictures. (as my Grandma Jean used to say, makeup covers a multitude of sins)
21. Go back to high school and trip a snotty girl or two. Preferably while they were carrying their lunch trays.
22. Make that whole Rocky Horror phase in college disappear. Especially the costume. And definitely the pictures. If there are any. Please, tell me there aren’t any. Even if you have to lie.