This Idol Moment Brought To You By...

Idol Moment

Two things I was very happy NOT to see on American Idol Tuesday night were the prospect of Sanjaya screeching and hamming his way through a Bon Jovi tune, and any more of Simon Cowell’s chest hair.

One thing I was psyched about was that finally, finally, it was head-banger night on Idol. Not that I’m a big Bon Jovi fan (although I have been known to play air drums against my steering wheel and howl a bit when a Van Halen tune comes on the radio – pre-Sammy Haggar, of course) but I’d hoped something would come up that would give these kids a REAL challenge.

Some of them missed the mark (Jordin and her Gina/Sanjaya hair screaming through Living On A Prayer) and some of them kicked ass (A newly brunet Blake’s way-cool, way-out-there rendition of You Give Love A Bad Name, beat-boxing and all). And I was pleasantly surprised by Melinda and Lakisha, because I was thinking all through the show, how are they going to pull this off? As we’ve seen so many times before, it’s all in the song selection. Bon Jovi has done some softer ballads that the ladies could do justice to. And Melinda and Lakisha did it right (Melinda went with a newer tune, “Have A Nice Day” like a young Tina Turner, and Lakisha did This Ain’t A Love Song so proud after a string of poor choices that she got a kiss from Simon), while Jordin tried to muscle her way through something she loved but wasn’t up to singing…well, that’s the flip side of being seventeen.

My guess is that Chris (alias Timberfake) and Phil (good but not strong enough to keep up with this crew) might be packing their bags tonight. But I’ve been wrong before.

Now back to our regularly scheduled blog.

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This Call To The Bullpen Brought To You By…

It had to happen sometime. Already, at least in Met-land, whenever manager Willie Randolph decides he’s had enough of the pitcher on the mound (and always a batter or two too late), he picks up the dugout batphone that presumably connects him to the bullpen, and he tells the coach who to get up and throwing. And the announcers take the opportunity to plug a sponsor, by saying, “This call to the bullpen brought to you by Verizon.” (Or whoever happened to give the network more money in that particular season.)

And last night, in Yankee-ville, one of the boys in pinstripes stole second, and that steal was brought to you by…you might have guessed it by now…Lo/Jack.

I’m not kidding.

I can’t wait to see what parts of the game will go to the highest bidder next.

• Wild pitches or updates of scores around the league may be bought by Axe cologne…it’ll drive the ladies wild. Or Scott’s lawn products, so your lawn won’t grow wild.

• Double-headers, pitchers who make it through a whole game and inside-the-park homers could be sponsored by Viagra…they also go the distance.

• Pop flies will be sponsored by Pepsi, or Topp’s, even though they no longer put bubble gum in the packs of baseball cards.

• Triples brought to you by whichever fast food concern is selling the triple-burger-aorta-buster.

• This sacrifice comes to you courtesy of the IRS.

• Two-baggers by Victoria’s Secret.

• If a batter steps out of the box to readjust his cup…well, whatever formula relieves that particular itch could buy a game or two.

• Guy reaches first on a well-placed line drive to the outfield? Why be single when you could find your perfect mate on Match.com?

• If Viagra didn’t get its bid in time for the homer, then the Fox network could pony up a few bucks and have a little cartoon Homer Simpson trotting around the basepaths.

• Runs, of course, will be owned by Nike.

• A great catch? Any company that makes fishing gear. Or, again, Match.com.
• The pitcher gets the other team’s slugger to strike out in a key situation? Any number of male enhancement or grooming products could buy that moment.

• A fan is concussed by a stinging foul ball or a broken bat flying into the stands? This call to the hospital brought to you by Blue Cross.

• Rain delay? Plug the station’s weather report. Or Turtle Wax.

• Player needs a new bat? Plug whatever sequel to Batman is coming out that summer.

• Team won the big one? You can, too, if you buy a lottery ticket. This week’s jackpot is…probably not as much as the starting lineup makes in one game.