On Monday morning, reports poured in from all over Manhattan and Northern New Jersey of a strong odor of gas. 911 was flooded with calls, and people evacuated their office buildings in droves, causing bottlenecks in lobbies and pockets of panic. While Mayor Bloomberg claimed that the leaking gas was not harmful, there were reports of people hospitalized with breathing problems. PATH trains were suspended from New Jersey to Manhattan. Some commuters chose not to come into the city at all.
While Con Edison was investigating a possible ruptured gas line at 10th and Bleeker in Greenwich Village, possibly caused by a private construction company, I would like to postulate a few of my own theories:
1. As the smell had earlier been reported to be especially strong in and around the Fox News building, it is possible that Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh came to work early to begin to rehearse their daily bloviation about Nancy Pelosi and pals regaining power.
2. Both the New York Jets and Giants were gunning for wild card spots in the playoffs yesterday. The large amount of, shall we say, personal natural gas, from massive consumption of bean dip, chili and other similar foods served at playoff parties, combined with a shifting weather system, caused these ill winds to be directed from New Jersey to Manhattan.
3. A corollary to theory #2: the Jets and Giants put on such a pathetic show on the field yesterday that they literally stunk up the place. Reporters missed several hundred incidents of pet birds passing out in a ten-mile radius of the Meadowlands last night.
4. Ann Coulter is writing a new book.
5. The Joker has set in motion a plot to gas into unconsciousness the good citizens of New York so he and his band of thugs can rob all the gems from the Diamond District and the society ladies of Manhattan so he can win the heart of Marsha, Queen of Diamonds. Somebody light the Bat Signal!!
6. Donald Trump is back in town.
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2 comments:
Obviously, I like #5.
Bear in mind, only the Cesare Romero Joker bothers to gas people into unconsciousness. The guy in the comics is, at least nowdays, a raving sociopath who would happily mass murder everyone in Gotham City with an airborne Joker gas attack just for cab fare, much less to rob the entire Diamond District.
Jeez...I think I liked the relative innocense of the 60s villains better.
1. You can find where they are because their lairs are tilted sideways.
2. You just crack one thug on the head and they all go down.
3. The villains were never smart enough (until the movie) to band together to REALLY get Batman and Robin once and for all.
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