I got this once by e-mail and always wished I'd kept it. Thanks to a friend for sending it to me again:
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Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no
need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding
the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be
totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!
Exercise 1:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the
door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the
door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position
for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in
case the first time wasn't effective enough.
Exercise 2:
Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement
floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on
the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car.
Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is
sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the
other breast.
Exercise 3:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite
a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your
breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an
appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your
Mammogram!
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2 comments:
Said it before, will say it again, and fervently believe it to be true:
I could never make it as a woman.
It's a tough gig, but somebody's gotta perpetuate the species, and since Eve was busy picking apples, Adam got the first choice.
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