What You're Probably Not Watching

I was never much of a KISS fan. But if you appreciate a bit of comic irony kitsch, then you’ve got to check out “Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels.” No, I’m not talking about his, um, package. It’s a half-hour reality show about this KISS member’s current family and professional life. And it’s funny as hell.

It’s what the Osbournes wanted to be, except it’s funnier, more coherent, less pathetic, and there’s much less swearing. Gene Simmons may have taken off the makeup and platform boots, but he’s turned KISS into an industry. He’s smart, sober, focused and is always selling himself or the band’s mystique in some creative way. And apparently this has made him very, very rich. He’s been living in a swanky house in Pasadena with Playboy model Shannon Tweed for the past 23 years, and they have two children, Nick, 17 and Sophie, 13.

The best parts, I think, are his interactions with his family. The kids are smart and funny and don’t take their famous Dad seriously. Shannon and the kids are continually rolling their eyes behind Gene’s back or keeping him humble when he gets too full of himself.

The editing flips between Gene out in the world, some kind of scene at home, and the “couch” scenes, which are quick comic snaps a lot like those scenes in “Family Guy” where you look up and think, “did they just say...?” With a rinky-dink 50s TV soundtrack playing in the background (that you will never be able to get out of your head), some combination of family members are sitting on the couch dishing on Dad.

For instance, in one episode, Gene decides to produce an exercise video called “Sexercise,” in which hot, barely dressed women perform a Jane Fonda-esque aerobic routine which is more “Barbarella” than “On Golden Pond.” But first he has to audition the women. Coincidentally, Sophie is writing a paper for school about what one of her parents does at his or her job. Gene invites her to the auditions. Shannon doesn’t find out about this until Sophie tells him afterward, and she’s livid. But then enlists Sophie in a scheme to get Gene back. She is to ask Dad to give her the “birds and bees” lecture. And he freaks out. He can’t do it. Shannon calls him on his double-standard about his expectations for his daughter’s sex life versus his son’s. He’s so embarrassed that he calls Planned Parenthood and offers to film a public service announcement about safe sex. Interspersed with take after take of him trying to get it right are couch segments. One of which has the kids on the couch, and Nick says, “Having Dad do a PSA about safe sex is like having Barney selling beer to kids.”

In another, Gene has to put on his old KISS gear for some kind of heavy-metal tribute show. They go back and forth from his preparations to the family’s reaction. One couch moment has Shannon and Sophie sitting together. Sophie asks, “Mom, what did you think when you saw Dad in his makeup and costume for the first time?” One beat of silence. Then Shannon says, “I thought Paul was cuter.” The last scene has Gene, in full regalia, sitting on the couch next to Nick. They are totally deadpan for a good few seconds, and then Nick offers himself up to any nice family who would like to adoption him.

And each episode only gets funnier.

Check it out on A&E Monday nights at 10:00 EST. And I hear it will be coming out on DVD soon.